Animal Terror for Kids

Look at this. It’s a tiger.

Yup. The jellyfish have somehow found a way it get at us even in the freshwater.

STOP IT YA CRAZY JELLIES! JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? VERTEBRATES? SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU. YOU HAVE NO SPINE FOOLS!

JELLYFISH ARE COWARDS.

Dude! I know you’re a bit nervous about transferring to a new school next week. However, I don’t think prancing around holding a black mamba snake above your head is going to help you make friends. You will only look totally bad-ass for like 30 minutes. Then you’ll die from a nasty bite.  Put that away and try busting out a pack of gum and some Yugioh cards on the fist day of school.

” In 1889 a horde of locusts flying over the Red Sea stretched for two thousand miles. Another locust plague, sighted in East Africa, was one mile wide and more than a hundred feet deep. It took nine hours to pass overhead, travelling at a rate of six miles an hour! Today, hordes of locusts still swarm periodically over vast areas of Africa and Asia, and wherever they land, they eat every ‘herb of the land’ leaving a plague of starvation in their wake.”

- Young People’s Animal Encyclopedia (13)

Okay kids, you will be asked what you want to be when you grow up that’s inevitable. If you’re like me when I was a child, you will proudly stand up and pump your fist in the air and exclaim “I WANNA BE AN EXPLORER!” then the adult asking the questions will make a face and tentatively explain that most of the world has already been mapped and all the animals discovered. Well Marc van Roosmalen may have been told that very same thing but he was all like, ‘Whatever, I do what I want’, then he grew up and went out and found a bunch of new species. Like the one pictured above called the   dwarf manatee  what a cool guy look at him.

What are you doing Macaque! Oh you better not catch that adorable little one. Whatever it is, it is much cuter than you. Don’t be jealous.

Look at his haughty expression

Every year, more than 100000 monkeys and apes are used for biomedical research around the world. A great percentage of those primates are species of macaques.

Nearly all (73-100%) pet and captive macaques are carriers of the herpes B virus.

But they have their revenge from time to time -

Frighteningly long list of primate attacks on owners.

This is my favorite one.

June 3, 1995/Hollidaysburg, Pa.: An escaped “pet” monkey grabbed a kitchen knife and cigarette lighter, holding police at bay for nearly two hours. The monkey ran through the house and bit two women.

SUP! We’re jellyfishes. Yeah I know we look like some kinda delicious cake or that obscure instrument your favorite folk band plays…but we’re not. We will inflict some serious damage on your body if you try to touch/eat us.

(The author of Animal Terror for Kids did not look up any scientific information on this species of jellyfish because it hurts the brain too much, jellyfish are so complicated.)

rainsoakedsari:

The deer! Nooooooo! Just take the biscuits all of them!

Please reblog! We can still save Bimini!